out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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