It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Randomize
