he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
