hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
