If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
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