I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
Randomize
