omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
