I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Randomize
