JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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