The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
