I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
