i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
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