Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
Randomize
