How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
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