she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Randomize
