Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Randomize
