Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Randomize
