hdsncx Gizmo asnqw toilet blanasdi
ok, stay where you are, be there soon
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
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