I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Randomize