so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize