nut hugger
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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