I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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