just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
I am full of burrito and curiosity
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
That's how pantless uber rides happen
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize
