well I can't set my house on fire every night
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
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