Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Randomize
