for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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