Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Randomize
