Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
Randomize
