woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
Randomize
