Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Randomize
