so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
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