Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
