i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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