Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
Sex in the backyard? Check.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
