Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
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