Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
