I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
Randomize
