bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Randomize
