I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
