I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Randomize
