Life is so much better after having sex.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
