guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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