Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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