Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
