How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
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