he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Randomize
