The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
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