I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
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