It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
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