i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize
