Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
smell my finger.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
Randomize
