i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
Banned from zoo.
Again?
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
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