took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
Randomize
