You smell like stripper and shame
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize
