but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
did i walk over a car last night?
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
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