Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
