I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
Little spoons don't ask big questions
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
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