vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
