This is not my ceiling
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize