Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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