He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
