put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
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