She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
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