talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Randomize
