We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Randomize
