"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Randomize
