Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
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